


Banjo-Tooie X: Weldar

by kirbymanx



Category: Banjo-Kazooie Series, Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Banjo X, Boss Battle, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Fluff and Humor, Grunty Industries, Humor, Imaginary Remake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 12:35:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20675480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirbymanx/pseuds/kirbymanx
Summary: In an alternate universe, where the ‘Banjo X’ self-aware remake concept was revived after Banjo & Kazooie’s inclusion in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, became a Smash Hit and got an equally self-aware sequel remake. The Bear and Bird find themselves battling a certain Visually Impaired Welding Torch again.





	Banjo-Tooie X: Weldar

Grunty Industries never looked any cleaner, whether on the blurry original, XBOX 360, XBOX ONE, that often forgotten handheld lava world offshoot… The bear and bird duo were still eager to leave this hazardous place as always, but they’re pleasantly surprised this maze was less confusing to go through this time on this new remake.

“Color theory, sure goes a long way, doesn’t it, Kazooie?”  
“I’d still rather go back to Atlantis for a swim, or Witchy World’s fun stuff.”  
“Kazooie! We don’t know if we’ve done those levels.”  
“Banjo, we literally got half the Jiggies in both those worlds.”  
“Oh, I guess we do. These automatic dialogue trees are something, aren’t they?”  
“I don’t care.”  
“Oh…”

“I wanna go back and help the nice folks at Terrydactyland.”  
“Of course you would.”

The two bantered to take their minds off this still dreary place.

The intercom spoke. “Will the bear and bird please jump down that giant square hole in the room they’re in? Repeat: Will the bear and bird please jump down the basement of the Repair Depot? Weldar wants a word with you, thank you.” The intercom turned off.

“Guess they had to make him no surprise to balance out Old King Coal’s newfound strategy.”  
“And don’t forget the somehow even fatter sister of Grunty and Klungo team-up. C’mon, Banjo. Let’s give this hot breath a visit.”

Banjo jumped down, and the cutscene broke their fall. Said cutscene showed the pipe out of here was a little too bent for the duo to reach with the Shock Spring Pad to get out of here.

The pre-boss battle music played already before they found the boss, which didn’t take long. They found Weldar ready to fight… Sort-off. He was lying on his stomach. Or is that his side?

“Well, well.” Weldar hissed with his head turned away from our heroes. “Thank you for coming down here on such short notice.”

“Well, not like we have a lot of choice.” Kazooie replied. “Because off course you’re a domino we need to tip over to get a bunch of Jiggies.”

“And maybe even a Jinjo or two.” Banjo added.

“And that is where you’re sorely mistaken.” Weldar spoke. “I covered my weak points.” The blowtorch jumped straight up.

“You hear that, Banjo? Ol’ Weldie gained common sense.”  
“Gosh… And he was pretty though the last go around. Now he’ll be invincible?”  
“Darn! Didn’t think of that…”

“Yes, I’ll be happy to inform you that unlike last time…” Weldar showed the front of his face. “…I remembered my glasses!”

Weldar  
**Intellectual** **Rule Abiding Torch**

“…Phew.” Kazooie was relieved. “For a moment there I thought you covered your mouth, with an egg proof grate or something.”

“Do’h! I knew I forgot something else this time! Anyway, that shouldn’t matter, that fact I’ll be able to shoot and stomp you to a pulp more efficiently should make for that… er… shortsighted blindspot in my plan, Bear.”

“Hey! Hey, Banjo. Doesn’t he look like a nerd with those specs on?”  
“Hmmm… You know what, you’re right. Wow. Bottles’ glasses aren’t that thick.”

“I’d prefer it if you do not mock the fix to my design flaw. I will still exterminate you, bears are still prohibited as you may recall.”

“We recall, but we can’t just end it here.”

“Then we shall settle it right now!”

***One harder boss fight against Weldar***

Weldar inhaled his last Fire, Grenade and/or Clockwork Kazooie Egg. He literally about to burst. “D’oh. Say, do I stand a chance to be a good guy in Banjo-Threei--” And he blew up again with all that’s left being his head once more.

This time the head bounced off the pipe bent fixing it into place to climb out before it hit the high voltage box.

The two walked up to their fallen foe.

“Do you think they’ll bother fixing me.” Weldar disembodied head asked.

“I doubt it, Gas Leak.” Kazooie quipped.  
“Sorry, Mr. Weldar, but you did attack us. Let’s get out of here, Kazooie.”

“Wait! Wouldn’t you two want my Shock Spring Pad as a reward?”

“Mighty kind of you..” Banjo polite thanked. “But we can do that on our own now.”

“What?”

“You heard him, it replaces our Flap Flip.”

“Well, please take my Shock Spring Pad anyway.” It appeared where it should’ve. “If I’m going to be a head again for the rest of the game I at least want to feel useful.” His disembodied head complained.

“Well, who are we to deny such a request? Let’s use it, Kazooie.”  
“I don’t know… We could just Shock Spring right beside it…”  
“Kazooie!!!”  
“Fine. Bye, Car Parts! Enjoy your glasses! We know where the Jiggy should be.”

Weldar grinned. He remembered that this time he had a Jiggy on him. And all they have to do was talk to him again and Taxi Pack him somewhere.


End file.
